Once eggnog hit the shelves, Mrs. Claus thought it'd be funny to "juice up" Santa's drink. Now the jolly elf is passed-out after ONE CUP and Mrs. Claus CAN'T keep up with the pre-Christmas demands. She's asked Emily and me to help her.
We told her, YEAH, OF COURSE we'd help! But we're Hollywood, baby, so she'd have to speak with our assistant, David Spade. After David picked up our dry cleaning, sorted out the green and red M&M's, and bought our kids' presents, he had a minute to sit down and tell us what Mrs. Claus wanted.
We need to give away THREE Christmas presents and interview a group of people, some naughty and some nice, to find those most DESERVING of Santa's toys.
We threw some hot cocoa on David and told him to GET ON IT by cutting his girly hair and going back to his '90s SNL character to start the interviewing process.
1. How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
1 1/2. One in New Mexico on my way to Disneyland, and the half one was here in the Springs on the Air Force Academy. That one has a bit of a story behind it, but I'll have to save that for another time. I consider it half because, at that time, a ticket on the Academy didn't count on your record and there was no fine.
2. Can you pitch a tent?
Yes, but only in the classic sense. Ahem.
3. What was your worst vacation ever?
Oh boy. That would be the trip out to Oregon to attend one grandfather's funeral, visit another grandfather fresh back from the hospital after a heart attack, and to pick up my grandmother and whisk her away to Colorado when we discovered she had cancer and needed treatment. Yeah, that was a really fun trip.
4. What was the last thing you bought over $100?
This question stymied me for a moment. I feel like there must have been an item that was over $100 more recently, but the only thing I can think of is a pair of high heeled boots, and that was months ago.
5. We're handing you the keys to what?
A 1964 1/2 Mustang? In Twilight Turquoise? That's nice of you!
6. What was the last meal cooked that made even you sick?
Beans and cornbread. They weren't bad; it's just that I forgot that I get horribly ill when I eat that many beans. So it's just that meal and chili with a lot of beans. Evil, evil stuff. We're talking coming out the way they went in. Apparently, it may have something to do with my gall bladder. Aren't you glad you asked?
7. Fill in the blank: Oh my gosh! Becky, look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like__?
"One of those rap guy's girlfriends." Boy, pitching a tent and getting sprung, all in the same post.
8. What was your first car?
A giant 80- or 90-something Dodge Ram Van. Cream, with a brown stripe down the center. 8-seater. Oh yeah, sexy. My friends called it the Pickle Mobile or the Space Ship. Best. Car. EVER!
9. Your best friend falls and gets hurt. Do you ask if he/she's okay or laugh first?
It depends on the fall. If it's horrific, I'll ask first. If it is just funny as all get out, I'm afraid I'd probably laugh first. Ask my husband. He is, after all, my best friend, and he is prone to falling, even up stairs!
10. What's the worst song ever?
Achy Breaky Heart? Haha, I don't know. I'm sure there are songs that make me cringe, but one isn't coming into my head.
The second blog hop I'm doing today is Baby Faces, presented by Trisha at Word + Stuff.
The rules are simple:
1. Post a picture of yourself as a baby.
2. And/or post a story about you as a baby.
I figured I'd do the happy photo and the "I've had enough" photo. We parents know how that works, right? See how bald I was? I was that bald until I was 2 or so, and then my head exploded in curls. I had a little girl 'fro. Truly. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd go downstairs to my office and find the picture from my third birthday. I am, however, too lazy.
A story? I'm sure I could come up with something better, but here's one: My mom was walking around the mall with me in a stroller when a man leaned over, pinched my cheek and said, "What a cute little boy!" I cold cocked him. Given, it was with a baby fist, so it couldn't have hurt that much, but that's what he gets for assuming a bald baby in a dress is a boy. Boo!
That's it! How would you answer these questions? Are you a David Spade fan? Do you have a funny baby story? Did you have no hair, tons of hair or middlin'?
May you find your Muse.