The Explanation:
Once eggnog hit the shelves, Mrs. Claus thought it'd be funny to "juice up" Santa's drink. Now the jolly elf is passed-out after ONE CUP and Mrs. Claus CAN'T keep up with the pre-Christmas demands. She's asked Emily and me to help her.
We told her, YEAH, OF COURSE we'd help! But we're Hollywood, baby, so she'd have to speak with our assistant, David Spade. After David picked up our dry cleaning, sorted out the green and red M&M's, and bought our kids' presents, he had a minute to sit down and tell us what Mrs. Claus wanted.
We need to give away THREE Christmas presents and interview a group of people, some naughty and some nice, to find those most DESERVING of Santa's toys.
We threw some hot cocoa on David and told him to GET ON IT by cutting his girly hair and going back to his '90s SNL character to start the interviewing process.
The Questions:
1. How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
1 1/2. One in New Mexico on my way to Disneyland, and the half one was here in the Springs on the Air Force Academy. That one has a bit of a story behind it, but I'll have to save that for another time. I consider it half because, at that time, a ticket on the Academy didn't count on your record and there was no fine.
2. Can you pitch a tent?
Yes, but only in the classic sense. Ahem.
3. What was your worst vacation ever?
Oh boy. That would be the trip out to Oregon to attend one grandfather's funeral, visit another grandfather fresh back from the hospital after a heart attack, and to pick up my grandmother and whisk her away to Colorado when we discovered she had cancer and needed treatment. Yeah, that was a really fun trip.
4. What was the last thing you bought over $100?
This question stymied me for a moment. I feel like there must have been an item that was over $100 more recently, but the only thing I can think of is a pair of high heeled boots, and that was months ago.
5. We're handing you the keys to what?
A 1964 1/2 Mustang? In Twilight Turquoise? That's nice of you!
6. What was the last meal cooked that made even you sick?
Beans and cornbread. They weren't bad; it's just that I forgot that I get horribly ill when I eat that many beans. So it's just that meal and chili with a lot of beans. Evil, evil stuff. We're talking coming out the way they went in. Apparently, it may have something to do with my gall bladder. Aren't you glad you asked?
7. Fill in the blank: Oh my gosh! Becky, look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like__?
"One of those rap guy's girlfriends." Boy, pitching a tent and getting sprung, all in the same post.
8. What was your first car?
A giant 80- or 90-something Dodge Ram Van. Cream, with a brown stripe down the center. 8-seater. Oh yeah, sexy. My friends called it the Pickle Mobile or the Space Ship. Best. Car. EVER!
9. Your best friend falls and gets hurt. Do you ask if he/she's okay or laugh first?
It depends on the fall. If it's horrific, I'll ask first. If it is just funny as all get out, I'm afraid I'd probably laugh first. Ask my husband. He is, after all, my best friend, and he is prone to falling, even up stairs!
10. What's the worst song ever?
Achy Breaky Heart? Haha, I don't know. I'm sure there are songs that make me cringe, but one isn't coming into my head.
The second blog hop I'm doing today is Baby Faces, presented by Trisha at Word + Stuff.
The rules are simple:
1. Post a picture of yourself as a baby.
2. And/or post a story about you as a baby.
I figured I'd do the happy photo and the "I've had enough" photo. We parents know how that works, right? See how bald I was? I was that bald until I was 2 or so, and then my head exploded in curls. I had a little girl 'fro. Truly. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd go downstairs to my office and find the picture from my third birthday. I am, however, too lazy.
A story? I'm sure I could come up with something better, but here's one: My mom was walking around the mall with me in a stroller when a man leaned over, pinched my cheek and said, "What a cute little boy!" I cold cocked him. Given, it was with a baby fist, so it couldn't have hurt that much, but that's what he gets for assuming a bald baby in a dress is a boy. Boo!
That's it! How would you answer these questions? Are you a David Spade fan? Do you have a funny baby story? Did you have no hair, tons of hair or middlin'?
May you find your Muse.
56 comments:
Cute pics! And Achy Breaky Heart is easily one of the worst songs ever and nearly ruined country music for me for all time. I'd love to have seen that van! "Spaceship" lol
Aw love the baby pics! Man you called it with the worse song ever. That was a terror along with Billy Ray's mullet. LOLOLOLOL
I agree about Achy Breaky. Any man that adds a "Y" to his words in his song needs to be smacked. That was a horrible one.
I'm glad you clocked that man. He deserved it. Cute baby pix.
Achy Breaky heart. That is a truly terrible song but for some reason, I was singing it just the other day.
And I wouldn't say no to a classic mustang either.
You don't look happy with your duck. And that does sound like an awful vacation.
Cute picks! And I couldn't agree more about Achy Breaky heart. And to think he unleashed his offspring on the world!
Totally agree about Achy Breaky Heart. Ack!
Cute baby pics!
The worst song ever is Call Me Maybe. It's no longer opinion, it's just a statistical fact.
Also, you have excellent taste in cars. Make mine a 1966 Mustang in Wimbledon White. :)
aww! lovevthe before & after!
okay, you added the pickle mobile to the tent & rapper girlfriends...naughty! ha!
fun answers!
Ohhhh... the pics are priceless!!!!! And totally LOL-ing at your answers... ;-)
What a cute baby you were! I love the "I've had enough" photo LOL. It was fun to read your answers to the questions, although I'm sorry that I'll probably have Achy Breaky Heart in my head now LOL.
Love the blanket photo. And good for you, getting back at the guy invading your personal baby space :-)
I love your rubber duck. :)
And what is Twilight Turquoise? Can I get it for my Veyron?
Thanks for participating!
Achy Breaky heart - totally hated that song.
I peed on the doctor once. I'm betting it was the cold hands.
does putting cake and ice cream on your head at the request of your babysitter qualify as funny baby story
I answered #9 based on my husband too. He is my best friend and a huge klutz, and your answer made me laugh because one of his best falls over was when he was singing loudly and fell up the stairs (there was no alcohol involved, just genetics).
Glad you came out swinging. A cute little boy, indeed!
love your choice of a car; those classic Mustangs are things of beauty, eh?
Coming over from the Baby Faces Blogfest... nice to meet you and enjoyed your answers!
I have a few professional pictures of my kids screaming their heads off... they are hilarious. Does that make me a bad mom? LOL!
My mental response to the tent-pitching question was fairly similar to yours. ;-)
Also; the dude I dated in the very early 90s sneered when that song came on and we were driving somewhere, then said, "I'd like to achy-break his face." Ah, love...
Some Dark Romantic
Love the pics! Especially the one with the little ducky. :)
Glad you punched The Man. Girl Power!!
Nice. :) Yes, most parents are well aware of that seventeen second window between "I'm having fun" and "You're gonna pay for this!" moments.
Yep, I saw someone else mention Achy Breaky Heart too - terrible song! Love the baby pics> Thanks so much for sharing. hehe.
My little bro was terrified of men - any men, except our Dad anyway - when he was a baby. He'd see a man and start crying. haha
I was a huge Billy Ray fan when I was young, even saw him and Dolly Parton in concert. For shame, right? Luckily, my musical tastes have matured since then.
I would agree... Achy Breaky Heart would have to be up there. And such a cute little face on that baby picture. I feel like the odd girl out without a cute baby picture to feature on my blog. Thanks for dropping by! Cheers!!
Those are some classic baby pics. I guess I came into the world with no hair and that's the way I'll leave it, but I had plenty of hair in my hippie 20 to 40 years.
Lee
Wrote By Rote
achy breaky heart is really gettin egged on!!
Your vacation sounds *worse* than mine and my $50 fine was going straight unto No Way's pocket, so that's why I was all Gangham style in his face...
Yes, Gangham Style 25 years before Psy came along.
How about dem bananas :)
Really cute baby pictures.
Achy Breaky Heart - so bad. Nice one.
Any guy who claims a baby in a dress is a boy deserves to get cocked. Good job! :)
What a horrible vacation that was :( I really don't like the song as well, thank goodness country never really got popular here :D
The pictures are so cute, wish I had found out about that blogfest earlier, have some really cute baby pictures!
Achy Breaky - ugh!
It's amazing how many people can't not identify the sex of a baby even though the clothes make it easy. :)
I like your interpretation of pitching a tent, lol.
Stopping by to say hi and I have to agree with the worst song pick. Have a good day.
Crappy vacation. My last couple trips to Oregon weren't much better. Glad we agreed on worst song.
My baby photo looks so similar to yours! All faded pink. I don't think they were meant to be so pink...just a weird developing faux paus of the time or something???
That does sound like a horrible vacation! Hope you don't have one of those again!
Cute baby pics! I like the one with the duck.
Awe. And a cute little ducky too.
Glad to know you. I like Achy Breaky heart. Cute baby picture. I'd post mine, but I'm the fourth born.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2012/12/wordless-wednesday-suit.html
You were so cute! And yes, I totally know about those "I've had enough" photos.
Omg... your pitch a tent comment made me burst out laughing, at 5am. Geez! Bad! Bad! Oh yes, I heart some mustangs too! The awesome thing about driving a van is you can fit loads of people in it. At least they didn't call it the shaggin' wagon. hehe! Great post and new subscriber! Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier!
Mustang...nice. =)
Achy Breaky heart... bleh. Good choice on the song. That one drives me nuts.
Soooooooooooo cute :). I am so sorry you've been too "lazy" to bring the photo with the curls :))). Lovely thing you said about your husband being your best friend :). Congrats and kisses for you both.
Cute pics, and I loved your answer for pitching a tent! LOL. I like the idea that you cold cocked the guy!
I had hair as a baby, and hairiness is good in some ways and bad in others - trust me, hair as a baby usually means even more hair at puberty which isn't all that great as a girl. I was born fuzzy all over with a crop of hair, and my daughters were too . . . poor kids.
I'd completely forgotten about Achy Breaky Heart! Good call :-)
EJ, thanks! How a brown and cream van got called the spaceship I'll never know. I think they said it was something about the windshield. The front was short.
Pk, I'm so grateful mullets aren't an in thing anymore!
Mina, that's right! No adding -y to the end of regular words. Achy should be describing someone with sore bones or something.
MJ, I had that happen with a New Kids on the Block song the other day. Decades of hating the songs, yet they infiltrated my brain. Took me a minute to realize what/who I was singing. Garg!
Alex, the duck may have said something offensive to me. I'm not positive.
JA, oh, his offspring. I saw her the other day on a show and thought for sure it was some sort of hair piece for the show. Nope. Don't aspire to beat your dad's bad hair choices!
Dani, thanks! Ugh, Achy Breaky Heart.
ABftS, ah, lovely. I'm so over Call Me, Maybe. Make it go away? Hell, I'd be happy with just about any old school Mustang.
Tara, ha! Thanks for having a fellow dirty mind!
Morgan, I was afraid I'd be offensive, but I wasn't the only one!
Julie, I love the juxtaposition of the photos. Soooo happy. Soooo sad. LOL. They always amuse me.
Deniz, I know, people do NOT respect personal baby space!
Emily, I'm betting the exact color's no longer available, but I bet you could get close!
Patti, me, too. Me, too. Ugh.
Andrew, haha! I bet he deserved it! Speaking of which, my son used to pee every. single. time his diaper got taken off. I think it was the cold air. It got better when it got warmer. Cracked me up because my hubby was just never prepared for it. And instead of having a diaper ready, he'd yelp and leap out of the way, hahahaha!
Becca, I would say that it does! Brrr on your poor noggin, though.
Azara, I know! Hysterically, my hubby doesn't imbibe in alcohol at all, so his falls are always totally sober, too. Haha!
Clee, right? He deserved it!
Marcy, oh, they definitely are. There are few cars that will turn my head, but Mustangs certainly make it happen.
Julie, oh heck no! I have multiple photos of the kiddos crying. They're cute then, too. Well, with limits, of course.
Mina, haha! Why didn't he do it and save our ears years of heartbreak? And glad I wasn't the only one who thought that way.
Liz, yes! Girl power!
Jeff, I believe it is one of our parental super powers.
Trisha, my son was sort of like that, too. Considering I have three brothers, not counting various "adopted" brothers, he left a string of broken hearts.
Fel, I love Dolly Parton! Well, I can't say I've frequently listened to her movies, but I adore listening to her talk.
Danette, if I weren't such a picture hoarder it would be a different story.
Lee, I feel like I need to see pics from those hippie days!
Tammy, I discovered that! There was one song that got beat on more, I think, but now I can't remember what it was.
Mark, dem bananas are fantastic! Haha!
Sydney, thank you! Yeah, it was bad. It will live on in infamy.
T. Drecker, right? I'm not the only one who thinks so!
Sylvia, you should share your photos anyway! I'm a bit jealous you live somewhere without country.
Suzi, seriously. If kids were dressed in neutrals all the time, that would be one thing, but the blue vs. pink thing is huge with babies these days. There's just no excuse.
Tyrese, I couldn't help it; it popped into my head!
Diane, hi, and glad I'm not alone!
L. Diane, ugh, and Oregon is such a wonderful place! I'm sorry you had a similar experience.
Kathryn, I've wondered that, too. The colors are very distinctive. Strange, isn't it?
Sherry, I don't think I have enough people left to have that experience again! But thank you.
Judie, that is a cute duck! I find myself wondering if it was really mine or if it was a prop they gave me because I was grumpy. I need to ask my mom, but five kids later, that doesn't seem like something she'd have brain room to remember.
Joyce, I understand exactly what you mean about being the fourth. I still respect you, even if you do like ABH. ;-p I'm sure I like plenty of songs others hate. Like Baby Got Back.
Susan, thank you! I remember those moments of frantic desperation as those moments approached, haha.
Courtney, haha, that's true! It could have been worse, right? And you are so right about fitting a bunch of people in the van. I filled that thing with friends several times. Party van!
E. Arroyo, they're wonderful, aren't they?
Nickie, me, too. Some songs have grown on me, but never that one.
Petronela, maybe some day I will share it! I've known my hubby since I was 16.
Tyrean, I never thought of it that way! You know, one of my brothers has no hair on his legs. I hate him for that. ;-p
Annalisa, I'm sorry to have taken that peace away from you. ;-p
Oh, my younger son used to do that! We called him the "Loose Cannon" and would yell a warning (sort of like yelling "fore" in golf) when his diaper came off.
Too funny! Sensitive little guys. I learned to just pull back the diaper enough to let the cold hit, cover it back up until he was done, then quickly (ever so quickly) change to the new diaper. Being the oldest of five, with some of those in cloth diapers, prepared me for quick diaper changes. I had mad diaper changing skillz. Jeffrey (hubby), on the other hand, had no experience. What a way to learn!
I'm trying to play catch up... *he! he!*
You were a real cutie-pie as a baby.....
Did you know that Achy Breaky Heart ALMOST won a Grammy? Frightening thought... imagine if it had won? * shudders*
When I had my first baby shower the (well let's call them) creative host wanted a baby picture of my husband and me. The whoke night no one es as brave enough to guess who was the boy and who was the girl.
And David Spade-esp 90's David-is great.
Michelle, I did NOT know that! The horror!
Robin, haha, I bet that would have happened with us, too! Hubby probably had more hair than I did.
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