Monday, July 22, 2013

Dear Spammers...

Dear Spammers,

No, I do not want to post about your swimming pool materials or your iPad headrest. I don't want to test out your eyeglasses (I wear contacts, never glasses). Your products don't appeal to me in any way. I would really like some chocolate right at this moment. Anyone want to send me some for a review? I could use something yummy to snack on. I'd like a million dollars; send me some cash to "sample," wouldja'?

I'm not interested in your guest post about parenting, business, exercise, job searches, fill-in-the-blank. It will just include "one little applicable link?" That's all? Oh, golly gee whiz, I'd be glad to let you sell a product on my blog with a topic that has absolutely nothing to do with reading, writing, movies, photography, or anything I could even pretend to be interested in.

What? You love my blog? You think it is well-written? You were turned onto it by a friend? Then how is it you've never READ the damn thing? When the beginning content of your email is no better than the Anonymous posts I've already blocked, you should move on.

No thanks, I have no capacity to even try to be interested in that b.s. you'd like to "sponsor" on my blog. Sponsor this:

by Robert Dillon, clker.com
You'd like me to post a Google map image you've made of x, y, or z? And you were drawn to me for this because...?

Want my help? Actually have read my blog. Offer me something that has to do with the topics I discuss here, not something that has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm interested in, or what my readers are interested in. Pay attention to what I've said IN MY BIO on the side of the page about what I will or will not do. And don't LIE TO ME about being a reader/fan/follower when it is quite obvious that YOU ARE NOT. And don't expect me to post what you want me to post. I'll try your product that has to do with reading or writing (MAYBE), and I'll post a fair review of it (IF I SO CHOOSE), but I am not here to sell out and be your ad-crony.

Should I be flattered that I've reached a point where I get constant spam concerning my blog? Did I pass some magical threshold of awesomeness that brought this down on my head? You know what the irritating part is? When I've written back to someone because it wasn't as much dissociated spam, and I've told them I'm not interested and only post such and such, I've had people write back and argue. When I try to ignore emails, they will persist and email me over and over and over until I finally reply with a simple "Not interested," (and even then, many of those people will CONTINUE to harangue me or will join the arguing crowd).

RUDE. INVASIVE.

ENOUGH!

How do you guys handle all the spam and unrelated requests? Do you find it funny or irritating? How do you reply (or do you)? Is it time for me to put up a tab with a specific list of what I will and will not do so I can just reply to them with the link? You can't argue with a link, right? It won't talk back. Then again, they probably still won't read it. Do I need to remove my bloody email??

Tell me about the weirdest email you've received about your blog, spam or otherwise!

May you find your Muse.


24 comments:

  1. I moderate my comments so I'm usually able to catch what spam Blogger doesn't. I pretty much delete all spam and am very hesitant to publish any comments that don't link back to a real blog or site, etc.

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  2. I get requests all the time. The obvious ad ones I ignore. When it's from an individual, I point them to my guest guidelines. Usually, I never hear from them again after that.

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  3. Ha! Excellent post. I get a few emails about writing content for my blog, but they just get deleted :) Sounds like you're much more popular! :)

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  4. I moderate comments and don't allow anon comments at all. Doing that cut my spam down to Zero. If someone uses a name or a business name, it could get through, but with comment approval,I just zap it.

    We understand, Shannon.

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  5. God, we get so many of these. I always love when it's something like, "DEAR SIR, I LOVE YOUR WEBPAGE AT: ABEERFORTHESHOWER.COM. I SELL SPORT WATCHES AND THINK YOUR SITE WOULD BE A PERFECT MATCH FOR US."

    Oh really, so the site with the MSPaint comics about two broke writers and a retarded goat would be a perfect fit for some knockoff gold watches? Ah yes, naturally.

    We don't respond, but geez, we've hit that "spam" button in the past few weeks so much I think it might be broken by now. We can't change our e-mail address (it's kinda who we are), and we very well can't block spam. Seems we're stuck dealing with it.

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  6. Funny I am reading this post while listening to zen meditation music and gets a total different meaning. Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not that popular as to be bombarded with spam mail. I lean towards fortunately. My patience is not that big. :)

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  7. I just ignore the spam. If they keep bugging me then I just tell them to stop. Dumb people!

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  8. Have you been approached by Grammarly, yet?
    And I have some chocolate you can review. Best chocolate in the world!

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  9. Madeline, I also moderate my Blogger comments, but these are being emailed directly to me.

    Alex, yeah, I think I'm going to have to post guest guidelines of my own.

    Jess, I should probably just delete every single one every time and not get so irritated with them.

    D.G., I finally just blocked anonymous comments on here entirely, but I don't want to remove my email, and that's where they're coming from. Grrr.

    Jo, argh!

    B&B, yeah, that's the thing, The Warrior Muse is who I am, so I won't change my email, but blargh!

    Al, my patience is not that big either. ;p

    J.A., gaw! I'm going to have to do that.

    Andrew, yep, I sure have! Got three emails in about a week's time. And yay for chocolate!

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  10. I ignore and delete. It's the best, honest. If it's from a person, I may do research. Depends on whether I have time.

    I get a lot of emails lately wanting to do stuff with my books. Often those are scams, too.

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  11. I just ignore the spam. I also moderate comments older then 7 days so I can keep an eye on posts that I wouldn't normally check anymore. What drive me nuts the most is getting these ads on my personal email. Just sucks!

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  12. Like D.G. Hudson, I restrict the comments to known bloggers, don't accept "anon". Life is too short to deal with spam.

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  13. I would like to object. I think spammers have tgeir place in cyberspace just as much as anyone else. Of course we all know not to click on vampirestats or iloveyou.com (and if you don't wise up).

    Who would be without these anonymous companions when out page views drop into single figures.

    And don't tell me you haven't chuckled at the Nigerian businessman offering you $13million. You are most cruel.

    Viva la spammers!

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  14. Hi Shannon,

    Yes, it's me, Spam-I-Am and I'd like to sell you green eggs and ham...

    I don't get much spam. I used to get loads of it on my site when I allowed anonymous comments. I reluctantly changed the settings. Some of my friends who don't have a blog account would like to comment and now they can't, thanks to the spam.

    I do get the odd and "odd" being the key word, email spam. The number of times "Adriana" 23 years old, has sent me a poorly typed email saying how much I liked her and I should go to her link and check her video out.

    I find it all amusing and hey, I'm desperate for increased hits on my site.

    Okay, Shannon, your starstruck fan, Gary, shall now go looking for his Muse.

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  15. Whenever I get somebody wanting to write an ad or something on my blog, I always say something like this:

    "Well, I value my readers so I get to read and approve the post. It will only be posted if I believe my readers will enjoy it AND if you send me the sum of $25 per current subscriber I have, plus a $100 fee for my side of the work."

    They never respond after that.

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  16. Honestly, spam barely registers for me. I get dozens of bogus comments every day, and a little more via Twitter. I've been exposed to enough that I know most of it is automated, not anyone actually trying to tell you about his cousin earning $540 an hour at a job that doesn't exist. It takes a few seconds to flag or delete the comments, and Blogspot has gotten a little better at filtering the scammers.

    If there is a real human being behind any of the generic BS, they don't deserve more consideration than a bot. Point, click, move on.

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  17. LOL! I put an advertising page on my blog just for that purpose. When people send me stuff like that I politely reply with a link to the page with ads for sale. So far none of them have taken me up on the offer though ;D

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  18. i get the gold watches and man-junk pills.. my favorites are too the girls who haven't heard from me in awhile and uploaded some new photos of themselves. or the very least the third world country wants to give me the money... i say "show me the money"...

    i promise not to send you any more pool packages.

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  19. I get about a 1 to 10 ratio spam to real comment. UGH.

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  20. I've only just become as popular as you seem to be on my personal blog, but wow, the A-Z info@ email is one happening place for spammers. Some are just hysterical and it's SO obvious that they haven't read the blog AT ALL. I used to not reply, but then I'd get all these "Did you get my email" follow ups, so now I answer with, "Did you participate in the Challenge? If so, let's talk. If not, then after you participate, get back to me." Shuts them right up.
    Your situation is different though. I'll try to think of a snappy comeback...
    Tina @ Life is Good

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  21. I feel your pain. I too get some in my email and just delete them without responding. I read somewhere that if you respond, even to say 'stop bugging me' it gets interpreted by spammers as you wanting to stay connected with them--fools!
    What really irritates me are the spammers who have the gall to register to receive new posts on my site. Totally muddies my user list.
    Jagoda

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  22. I see spam emails and hit delete. I used to bother about it earlier but no more. Life is too short.

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